It was my due date, Saturday June 25, 2016, and I started having contractions around 4:15pm. We were all home and I was playing with the boys in the backyard. After about an hour of timing them, I kinda freaked out! I kept saying I was ready, but was I? We got our bags ready for the hospital for when it was time to go. Sean's mom came over to help with the boys. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible but I checked in with my doula and doctor's office. Dr. A said to stay hydrated and call when things progressed. I took a bath and tried to relax.
After I was settled in my room, with my hospital gown on and monitors on my belly (one for me, one for baby) and IV in place, I talked with the nurse and then Dr. L came in. I was really glad to hear she was the Dr. there that day. She's newer to the practice but I had several prenatal appts. with her and she was super nice and supportive of my VBAC and doing things as naturally as possible.
The monitor showed I was having consistent contractions 2-4 minutes apart. They were still mild and I was feeling great. Dr. L checked me and said I was 3 cm, 90% effaced. The medical staff said I was in labor, making progress and should stay. Well, ok then! It would be cool to have a baby today - June 27 - since the twins were born the 27th of March! I asked a few questions about whether or not to have an epidural catheter just in case. I didn’t want an epidural but knew if I didn’t get one, I was taking a risk that I would be knocked out if it turned into an emergency c/s because there wouldn’t be time to give it to me then. I decided not to get one. Even if it was in place without the medicine, there wouldn’t be time to administer it in an emergency.
I shared my birth plan - mostly to make sure the baby only got Vitamin K (no eye ointment or HepB which is routine if you don't decline). I got my IV for antibiotics since I was GBS Positive. I wanted to move as much as possible while I still could so I took my IV pole and walked the halls for 45 minutes. Dr. L said kind of hesitantly that I could walk "briefly". Mary Ann arrived around 4pm. She immediately created a calm atmosphere by diffusing essential oils and giving me massages. It was wonderful! I continued to labor and was surprised to be 6-7cm dilated around 6pm. Laboring naturally was SO much better than being induced (I was induced with Pitocin with the twins - you can read that story here).
Around 6:30pm, contractions got more intense and I started wanting support to get through them. Sean and Mary Ann put pressure on my hips and back and spoke affirmations and reminders to keep my shoulders relaxed and to breathe. Dr. L offered to break my water if I wanted. I said I'd think about it and let's revisit that option at 8pm. At 8pm, I don't have noted how dilated I was but Dr. L was hopeful we'd have a baby in 30+ minutes if she broke my water. I didn't see any reason why not since things would get more intense either way. So she broke my water.
Things picked up... I also felt nauseous and a little light-headed. Ugh. That was not fun. Sometime after 9pm, Dr. L asked me to push. I didn't feel ready but the baby's heart-rate was dropping during contractions and she was getting concerned. It was around 9:20-something pm when I was pushing. I wasn't fully dilated and Dr. L was trying to move my cervix as I was pushing which was umm very uncomfortable! Baby's heart rate was still dropping very low during contractions and that was a big concern. Dr. L let me go as long as possible before she said we had to go to an emergency c-section. I remember her being very optimistic but the nurses and staff were already getting ready. As soon as she called it I felt huge disappointment but had no choice but to surrender. Mary Ann was close to me, holding my hands, and praying quietly. I can’t remember what she said to me now but it was comforting. I closed my eyes and prayed for peace amidst the chaos around me. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me again.
They wheeled me down the hall to the operating room. I kept my eyes closed. I was remembering what happened at the twins’ birth and wondering if they were going to have me move from the bed to the OR table. Yep. When we got to the OR they asked me to move to the OR table. I was upset and said “No, I can’t move! Especially in the middle of a (strong) contraction!” So a bunch of people surrounded me and moved me. I was shaking a lot (which is normal so I didn’t try to stop it). I was also freezing. The room was cold. Someone finally (seconds that felt like minutes) put a warm towel on me which felt good. The anesthesiologist talked to me. They put a mask on me. I think it was for oxygen at first, then it was used to give me general anesthesia to put me to sleep. I still had my eyes closed and was told a couple times to put my arms out by my sides. Someone asked me if the only jewelry I had on was my wedding rings. Yes, I said, thinking that they already asked me that question hours ago during labor! Then I counted down. 5..4..3..2..I was out.
It was a long night and we were up into the wee hours by the time we got settled into my recovery room. I was very sore from the surgery and couldn’t move much. I didn’t get much sleep since nurses were always in and out, checking my vitals, or I was feeding and holding Lincoln. I wasn’t permitted to have food yet. The next day my nurse made me get up. I was scared and emotional - remembering how hard my recovery was last time. But my nurse encouraged me and at 10am I was sitting on the side of my bed. Half an hour later I was sitting in the rocker. This felt like a huge accomplishment and although I was still in pain, it made me feel better. Sean went home for a bit. His mom was going to leave and my parents were coming to stay for a couple days.
By 4pm I was not feeling well and had a fever. So I was given antibiotics to treat an infection. My sister visited that evening and I finally got to eat a decent meal.
When I talked to Dr. L the morning after Lincoln's birth I found out that although he was head-down, he had been in the posterior position (or sunny side up), meaning his face was facing my abdomen instead of my back. He was also "brow presenting" instead of the top of his head. No wonder his heart rate was dropping and he wasn't coming out! I also learned that my uterus had ballooned and was super thin. Like, it popped when the Dr. touched it. (She actually told me at my 6 week check up that she said "Oh Sh*t! in the OR when she saw it!) Yikes. It's likely my uterus could've ruptured if I had been able to go through with the VBAC which is very scary. All of these things are rare and the Dr. didn't know what the complications were (what was causing his heart rate to drop) until she did the c/s. I believe God protected me and baby and the c/s was definitely necessary.
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| going home |
*sigh* All I wanted was a natural birth and immediate skin-to-skin with my baby and I have now missed 2 of my 3 baby's births due to emergency c/s. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful to have 3 healthy boys and to be alive. Most everyone will tell you "healthy baby, healthy mama is all that matters!". Yes, I agree, but there's more to it. I did a lot of research on why I wanted a natural birth and the choices I made were important to me. (No judgement if you chose an epidural, etc. I was open to it but didn't feel I needed it.) I know (really know) things don't always go as planned, but I still believe it was worth it to try for the birth experience I desired. Unfortunately, both births had their traumatic moments but God is good and He has healed me.
Lincoln has been a wonderful baby and addition to our family. So grateful!!
